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From the Headmaster’s Desk

Train a child in the way he should go,
and when he is old he will not turn from it.
Proverbs 22:6

This scripture from Proverbs holds incredible truth to it, and also places on teachers and parents, alike, the responsibility to guide our children in a way that honours God, and lead them along the path to becoming civically responsible and spiritually mature whilst living morally grounded, value-based lives.

Having spent some time studying this particular scripture, I thought I would share some insights with you. As we know, so much of what we read in the Bible is lost in translation, and the context of words is often misunderstood.

This particular verse stems from the Hebrew emphasis on raising children in godliness. In fact, the ultimate reward for a Hebrew parent was to have a wise child, and not a foolish one. Not very different from today I would suggest! It is the word “train” that has most intrigued me, as I’ve always been certain that there is a great deal more emotive attachment to the word than the translation would suggest. In fact, it comes from the Hebrew word “chanac” which means to train up and initiate, but also very importantly, it signifies the act of dedicating or consecrating someone or something. With the context of this word in mind, it is impossible not to comprehend the full responsibility and blessing of parenthood. Your child is entrusted to you by God, so by dedicating him/her to God, you commit to teaching and disciplining him/her as God’s child.

While browsing at a store the other day I was distantly aware of the music playing in the background. Nearby, a young girl of no more than 10 years old was singing along to the Rihanna song that was playing:

Feels so good being bad (Oh oh oh oh oh)

There's no way I'm turning back (Oh oh oh oh oh)

Now the pain is my pleasure 'cause nothing could measure (Oh oh oh oh oh)

'Cause I may be bad, but I'm perfectly good at it

Sex in the air, I don't care, I love the smell of it

Sticks and stones may break my bones

But chains and whips excite me

There was obviously something quite humorous about the innocence and naïveté of a young girl singing along to a song whose lyrics she clearly did not understand. I was nevertheless alarmed at the scenario because it crystalised in my mind the challenge that we face as parents and teachers in guiding, leading, mentoring and instructing our children in godliness, even when this message of the Lord is often in conflict with the message of the world.

Enough has been said of the digital age, and how this generation is attuned to all forms of media, however recent research on the impact of media is startling when we consider that our exposure to various forms of media results in us receiving 100500 words daily, some 350% more data than we were processing 30 years ago. You can only imagine, with the exponential growth of media and technology, where we will be in even 10 years time.

The world of media is increasingly becoming a world of false ideals and questionable values, with our children being actively encouraged to practice such ideals. Children of today are expected to grow up quicker, and have far greater exposure to the adult world than we did as children. Our children are exposed to role models who live life as if it is one big party – no rules, no consequences, no consideration for others. Spend some time listening to the music your child enjoys, the movies they watch and the computer games they play and you may well find that the message this media contains is vastly at odds with the values you espouse and try to engrain in your child. Look particularly at the way in which the media portrays relationships, and you will see how a ‘real’ man or woman is defined by the number of conquests he/she has in a night. Promiscuity is worn like a badge of honour and loyalty and faithfulness in a romantic relationship is seen as a sign of weakness. In such a society, virginity is not honoured, nor respect given to a person who chooses a chaste life. Our ‘instant’ society seeks instant gratification, and will, it appears, forgo honour, trust and loyalty in exchange for a moment of self-gratification.

While we can debate whether the world of media is indeed a reflection of the real world, the truth remains that our children’s definition of the world is greatly influenced by what they see and hear in the media. This does not mean that we are fighting a losing battle however. Instead, it places a huge responsibility on teachers and parents to reinforce the true definition of being a man or a woman by being active, positive role models. I frequently ask myself the question: What example am I setting for the children I interact with? When it comes to the boys, I ask a more specific question: Am I showing them what a real man is? Taking this further, my challenge and question would be: In what way are the teachers and parents of the St Joseph’s community standing as living testimonies to what it means to be an adult?

When we are mindful of what our children are exposed to, we must sense the need to guide and advise each one of them.

For boys, we need to provide them with solid father-figures who show that being male is one thing, being a man is another, and being a gentleman is more. Indeed, as Edwin Cole in ‘Maximized Manhood’ (A book I would encourage every father and son to read) suggests, being male is a matter of birth, however being man is a matter of choice. As such, Manhood and Christlikeness become synonymous, and the need for responsible male leadership is vital for our boys, and needs to be evident in both the home and school.

My disillusionment at the media messages our young men are exposed to has, in some way, been tempered by the heartwarming scences I witnessed at the recent Junior School Fun Day. Watching fathers interacting with their sons, competing with them, encouraging them and cheering them on was most encouraging and a testimony to the affirmation boys seek from their fathers. Edwin Cole defines the truest Christian as always being the finest gentleman. Sadly, the notion of being a gentleman has become muddled in recent times, however it is fair to say that it is not what men are born with, but what is reborn in them that gives them the character and quality of real manhood.

So, what is a real man? I suppose a real man is one who takes responsibility for the choices he makes, and considers the consequences of his actions. He is accountable, faithful and honest. While he may not have tough hands, he will have a tough spirit which is prepared to endure hardships rather than seeking an excuse or a quick way out; a spirit which will not lie down defeated, but will rise to every challenge that is faced. A real man seeks solutions in peace, not violence, acts with restraint not with intemperance.

For the fathers and male teachers of our St Joseph’s boys, I would ask the questions: What image are you portraying of manhood in your day to day life? Are you guiding him towards an understanding of the role of men in society, or are you leaving that job to the poor example set by so many of our modern day ‘role models’ and the subtle message of media which treats womanising, promiscuity and unfaithfulness as the norm?

I would ask a similar question to the mothers of our St Joseph’s girls: What image are you portraying of womanhood in day to day life, and are you guiding your daughter to a full appreciation of her role in society? It saddens me when I hear of young women who seek affirmation through promiscuity, who don’t celebrate their femininity, and can’t find strength within themselves. As real role models, the mothers and female teachers of our St Joseph’s girls need to show that true womanhood is characterised by the qualities of strength, confidence and self-assuredness. A real woman finds her identity in herself, not in a man, she does not compromise on her morals and values in order to simply satisfy the desires of a man. A real woman possesses dignity and grace, even in adversity, and refuses to be seen or treated as an object of lust. Just as manhood is synonymous with Christlikeness, so our young women should find their guidance in the way of our mother, Mary, who sought to obey the will of God, was open to life’s opportunities and acted always with absolute humility, modesty, patience and grace.

Let us be the role models of our children, let us define the true meaning of manhood and womanhood, rather than leave it to the false ideals and questionable morality of the world around us.